Nobody’s perfect, so it’s best you know my strengths and weaknesses from the outset. In the interest of full transparency.  

Pros

😇 Worked entire career under extremely tight deadlines, and somehow still has a full head of hair

🥵 Spent a few seasons digging ditches in Arizona…
so, y’know, both strong and grounded

🧐 Has won such illustrious awards as the district-wide
3rd grade Scrabble championship

Cons

😬 Thought newspapers could be a viable 21st century career

🫨 Will single-handedly double your organization’s
coffee budget

🤮 Unironically likes the Hamster Dance

If you’re interested in knowing more about this fascinating character, or even hiring such a person, check THE RESUME ⬅️.